Pain and the process.
This week has been a week filled with aches and pains, something not new to me, but I've never fully gotten used to it even 16 years later. Back in 2000 I was in a car accident that would alter my life. I've been to more doctors than I can list, tried everything, and the pain has lessened but never goes away. I know this sounds like a complaining post, but this week has been a week of reflection for me, and this time pain has brought gratitude.
15 years or so ago, I sat in a rheumatologist office in tears as he confirmed a diagnoses of fibromyalgia on top of my degenerating discs in my thoracic spine. At the age of 19 my life was flashing through my eyes as the he mumbled on about exericises to try, and stretches to do. Who would marry me? Could I ever have kids? How do I have worth if I can't work hard physically? How will I care for a home, a family? I felt like I'd lost what I thought my life would be, and well, I guess I did.
Now that I'm on the other side of so many of the questions I had that day, I can't help but be amazed. I got married, and to a compassionate man that doesn't complain about what I can or can't do, and never asks that I change. He listens to me complain that I can't exercise without hurting something, of my pain that day and reassures me of my worth.
I have children, 3 beautiful children in fact. I have been able to do more with them than I ever thought possible, and the older they get, the easier it is on my physically.
So today I choose thankfulness. I'm thankful for the things I've been blessed with, considering I never knew if I would have them. I'm thankful to be turning on page on finding beauty in who I am, rather than what shape I'm in. I'm a work in progress, but surely beauty comes when you leave bitterness behind.